EB: Giving ’em the business!

Brain dumps from the original Bonehead.

too_short ver5.10

I need to be taller.

Can you help me?  I’m reasonably smart and willing to work hard – if you can explain to me what I need to do I’ll give it my best shot.  Hey, do they still make those torture devices that used to clamp onto your limbs and stretch you out?  Maybe if I tried one of those and used it real gentle-like…?

Ok – here’s the problem.  I met someone.  Someone who is quite simply fantastic.  She has to be fantastic because I can’t call her fabulous.  (Carrie Bradshaw & co. officially placed a gender-patent on the word “Fabulous” and any self-respecting heteromale who uses it shall find himself besieged by pointed eyebrows and suspecting glances)
So here I am: short guy w/amazing gf that digs tall guys.  How fucked am I? 

Whatever dude!  If she’s with you that means it’s all gravy!

Uhh yeah.  I’ll believe that when I see Santa boning the Easter Bunny.  People want what they want because they want it, period.  Think about it – why do you like the color green?  Because you do!  End of discussion.  Some wants are just very basic and they really don’t need reason or understanding. 

Does this mean I shouldn’t unpack?


September 12, 2005 - Posted by | Observations


  1. You know, I literally had this conversation with Matt last night actually and I decided that brains were more important. 🙂 So chill, your girl thinks you’re a badass.

    Comment by Glenda | September 12, 2005 | Reply

  2. But I’m tall. Don’t tell me brains are coming into play now. It’s too late in the game for me to get any of them.

    Comment by Mikey | September 14, 2005 | Reply

  3. […] Having a complex because his girlfriend likes tall guys. […]

    Pingback by Agendacide: Minutes from Somewhere Else » Suckahs to the side, I know you hate my ninety-eight… you’re gonna get yours! | September 15, 2005 | Reply

  4. you just have to figure out how to make “smart” the new “tall” and then you’re all set.

    Comment by Rob | September 15, 2005 | Reply

  5. Is she taller than you? I mean, how tall are we talking about? I’m not gonna say it’s all gravy, but seriously now, if she’d dump you cuz you’re not 6″4′ then I’m thinking your height isn’t the problem here. Plus, we may all want what we want, but I think most people are smart enough to realize that there is no one person who’s gonna have all the things we want. I say just chill. Stressing over it is just gonna make things worse.

    Anyway, that’s my cheap two cents.

    Comment by patricia | September 15, 2005 | Reply

  6. Nah, I’m about three inches taller and we’re both sub 6-footers. It’s not such a huge deal that I think she’s going to leave me but have you ever gone without White Castle’s for a really long time?


    Comment by barber | September 15, 2005 | Reply

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