EB: Giving ’em the business!

Brain dumps from the original Bonehead.

When did Small become extinct?

The other day I was having a late dinner with a couple friends at the food court in a local shopping mall.  It’s a typical food court, hundreds of seats and tables in a wide open area surrounded by a wide variety of both traditional and makeshift fast food vendors.  Since these friends are also co-workers we’ve got the common element we need to get a nice healthy Bitch Session going and sustain it for hours if we really feel like it.  And nearby where we sat to eat is some French-sounding place that looks like just another bread shop. 

While casually glancing about to take in all of what’s around me I keep finding my attention drawn to the bread shop.  A sign reading: Le Bon Café displayed a list of their coffee selections available in Tall, Grande and Xtra Grande.  I also noticed their Starbuck-ian prices such as the five bucks they were charging for an X-Grande cappuccino.  Suddenly I got that old feeling again and I knew I’d end up back here at the Barber Shop to let it fly.

Now, I’m not going to go off on Starbucks.  It’s been done to death and quite frankly, it’s largely hypocritical.  Even the many of us within the Coffee Circle who do bitch about Starbucks can tell you which of their blended drinks is our favorite – so I’m not going to go there.

Oh boy.  He doesn’t want to get off on a rant here but…

What really pisses me off is the marketing engine that makes it all possible.  The marketing engine that allows some jackoff to “engineer” a hollow plastic loop with a fun paint scheme and maybe some rock salt for sound effects and now he’s a damn gazillionaire.  The marketing engine that made the Ford Excursion seem like a worthwhile idea.  The marketing engine that says even Eskimos need ice water and if you properly position and present the product you can be the one to sell it to them!  The marketing engine that somehow made it ok for DMX to star in more martial arts movies than Brandon Lee did! 

The marketing engine that says making money is good but making more money is better and there’s only so much that people will pay for a “small” sized anything; so, if you call your 10-ounce cup Tall instead of Small you can get away with charging an extra $1.15 per cup for the same amount of product.  Call it salesmanship or marketing or product inventory optimization or whatever you want to call it but I’ll still think it’s dirty.

Just before departing the food court, and feeling thoroughly fired up about all of these thoughts racing through my mind, I remembered that I needed a another beverage so I could take a pill.  I stopped at the last spot in the food court and paid $2.48 for a one-dollar bottle of Snapple.  Let the self-loathing begin…


November 7, 2005 - Posted by | Random Ramblings

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