EB: Giving ’em the business!

Brain dumps from the original Bonehead.

The Slut, Part 2 (Why it is?)

Ok, so for starters I was all ready to begin by disagreeing with the comments that my buddy Poca left when she equated the male slut to a “gigolo” but the more I think about the more I think that technically she’s right!  So back to the dictionary again: The listing for gigolo gives you “A man who has a continuing sexual relationship with and receives financial support from a woman.” 

Are you shitting me?

Nope!  Straight from the book.  Well, it’s not really a book… I’m using Dictionary.com, but whatever.  This double-standard I want to examine apparently runs deep.  Far beneath the surface even the way these terms are defined indicates some sort of latent resentment.  Typically when you look up synonymous words you’ll find some parallels. 

Check this out: whore is synonymous with prostitute; and slut is defined as a woman prostitute.  The definitions of those three words, associated with the feminine, include the following phrases:

  1. “compromised principles”
  2. “personal gain”
  3. “solicits”
  4. “accepts payment”
  5. “sells one’s abilities… for an unworthy purpose”

Gigolo, on the other hand, is associated with the masculine and includes the following:

  1. “continuing sexual relationship”
  2. “receives financial support”
  3. “escort”
  4. “dancing partner”

Hrm.  Relationship and Support versus Compromised Principles and Unworthy Purpose?  Well, there’s clearly no bias to be found in the dictionary huh?  So picking up from Part 1 – the double-standard regarding promiscuity is, after all these years, still alive and kicking.  Even today in the age of women having prominent positions as heads of state and household and everything in between, they still risk being labeled as the town whore if they dare hook up as freely as men do. 

A friend of mine has this smoking problem.  I call it a problem because she always says she wants to quit but never actually does it.  The persistence of this double standard, I think, is alot like her smoking problem…  it’s there because we still want it there. 

This boy’s done lost his damn mind.

I’m serious!  Think about it!  When we (the powers that be, in this country) didn’t want any more “ism’s”, we outlawed them.  Pick an ism and it’s probably illegal now.  When we wanted children to stop scraping their knees when they fall down we made them wear knee pads while they bike ride or roller skate.  When we didn’t want Saddam Hussein in power anymore…  well, you get the idea. 

So why do we want to keep it?  Somehow I think our insistence on deifying women as the infallible progenitors of our species has singularly caused this system to survive for as long as it has.  If sex is a filthy, dirty act and men are such creatures to begin with then no harm can come to us sewer monkeys, but for a woman to allow herself to be defiled there’s got to be a damn good reason for it, right? 

What if that’s not it at all?  What if it isn’t about filth but instead it is a life-giving act?  the ultimate gift a woman can give to a man?  If each of us could part the Red Sea with a mere snap of the fingers then it surely wouldn’t have gone in the books as an epic tale, would it?  And who in their right mind wouldn’t be jealous, hurt, or flat-out fired up at the thought of a gift of such magnitude being given carelessly to those any of us would deem undeserving?  Whichever philosophy you subscribe to, whether Puritan or Hedonist, this culture has some re-evaluating to do.

The ‘chicken and the egg’ debate is equally tempting here but it’s ultimately pointless because a) nobody really knows and b) assigning blame would solve nothing here.  If the concept of a slut is borne from disappointment then only by changing the expectation can we be healed.  We should come to grips with the fact that you’re not angels, you’re not sugar or spice or any of that other shit… your just filthy little sewer monkeys, just like us.

Let the flames begin! 

-E

 

February 24, 2006 - Posted by | Observations, Relationships

4 Comments »

  1. Flame on!!!

    I was on the same page as you until I read your last paragraph….”If the concept of a slut is borne from disappointment then only by changing the expectation can we be healed”??? I don’t feel that a change in expectation will cure all. I believe that we (women) should start to disregard these ‘terms of endearment” that men have used to label us. We should never look to men for definition of who we are, as men should not look to women for definition either.

    But….this is NOT a perfect world that we live in, so no one can expect much from anyone else. If (ha-ha) I am a slut, and feel that it is not a negative term TO ME, then who gives a sh*%t about anyone else’s view of it.

    Great blog, Nukey!

    Poca

    Comment by Poca | February 28, 2006 | Reply

  2. I like this idea. For most of my childhood I was labeled a nerd and I became understandably self-conscious about it. I ended up researching the word to understand it better and ultimately determined that all the hateful name-callers really didn’t understand what it was they were saying to me.

    While I’d endorse that approach for anyone that needs to use it, I’m not so sure if the “I don’t care” idea could really work. I’m no expert but the way I see it our concept of self is based on three things: how we see ourselves, how we want to see ourselves, and how others react to us. I think it’s a testament to one’s emotional sturdiness when you can restrict those meaningful opinions to trusted friends and loved ones, but even the most anti-social loon will still be impacted, somewhat, by the opinions of others.

    “Does this make me look fat?”

    -E

    Thanks for the love, Poca!

    Comment by barber | February 28, 2006 | Reply

  3. It’s not what people call you but what you respond to!

    Why does it matter how many partners a women has had? What should matter is if she’s sleeping around and broke! Call it what you want but we are all adults here and let’s be honest with ourselves your either a smart slut or a dumb one.

    -Former Smart A$$ Slut

    Comment by India S. Price-Williams | March 1, 2006 | Reply

  4. -What should matter is if she’s sleeping around and broke!
    I didn’t mention finances at all. Are you saying it’s ok for a woman to sleep around if she’s financially secure but if she’s broke it’s not ok?

    – Call it what you want but we are all adults here and let’s be honest with ourselves your either a smart slut or a dumb one?
    Your either a smart slut or a dumb one? Educate me, please – what does that mean?

    -E

    Comment by barber | March 1, 2006 | Reply


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