EB: Giving ’em the business!

Brain dumps from the original Bonehead.

Getting Beasted?

This is the story of a child that didn't know how far was too far.  It was an overnight business trip to Philly with my boss about three years ago. 

I know, Poca, I know…

Five A.M. meet up at the airport, we go in and execute the training, five P.M. the following evening we're outta there.  A job well done, if I do say so myself.  Here's where the action begins.  Me and the boss had seperate seats for the ride back and I found myself sitting next to a nine-year-old child traveling alone.  Smart kid, funny, sociable…  I'm sure his parents bragged about him to no end.

Maybe an hour into the flight the kid gets bored with his video game, pulls out a deck of cards and invites me to play.  Since we didn't play any of the same games he offered to teach me one of his favorites – some game I'd never heard of but bore a vague resemblance to rummy.  Being that he was only nine I wasn't expecting a detailed explanation of the game which was a good thing because I didn't get one, he showed me some basics of play and apparently figured he'd demonstrate the rest on me instead of to me.  It got ugly, and fast!  I lost game after game, sometimes not even by a respectable score.  I really couldn't care less since I was coming back from a business trip where I'd performed admirably; what does it matter if a kid that I met during a little 3-hour flight got his shine off against me in a card game that I'd never even heard of before?  Well, then the little prick opened his mouth.

Say again?

First it was a little laughter in-between hands.  I suppose laughing at a defeated opponent wouldn't qualify as being a gracious victor, but whatever.  Then it became more laughter.  Then some taunting…  "Dude, you suck!", that sort of stuff.  I could hear the echo of a fearsome banging from inside a cage somewhere deep within me but I still played it cool; gave him my best Bruce Willis smirk.  It wasn't much of a warning but it was the best I could do – anything I would've said back would likely have been incindiary.

Bring it on you little motherfucker!!

Uhm.  Yeah, something like that.  Things were a little different for me when I came up.  It was still ok to talk trash but there were rules: 1) Be careful, because you never know who you're fucking with, and 2) Never, ever, ever spit game you can't back up.  You've got to be ready to have your bluff called and then there's no more time for words, it's put up or shut up.  Upon his next win he enthusiastically shouted out "I Beasted You!!" and the smirk was frozen.  Did he say bested?  No, he said beasted.  Pupils dilated.  The 2×4 holding that cage shut snapped like a twig…

Demon, unleashed.

To me, my competitive streak is like a personal demon.  There are times when it used to absolutely consume me.

Go get 'em, boy!

Oh yes, another job well done – I dedicated every brain cell in my power to putting a mean one on this little boy and at the end I beat him like he was my kid… and I talked hot, stinkin', dirty, nasty shit the whole way through and you know what? it was kinda fun!  He wanted to talk like a man so he got beat like a man and I didn't feel bad about it at all.  I took a page out of a friend's playbook and declared the final game "The Man" game; the loser would have to humiliate himself each and everytime the question 'Who's The Man?' was asked. 

Just after landing my Demon was admiring the new notch on his belt as I tucked him back into his cage, and the boy gleefully put his cards back into his knapsack.  Before we disboarded I kneeled down and asked one last time before I never saw him again…  Who's The Man? 


April 28, 2006 - Posted by | Random Ramblings


  1. HAHAHAHAHA. That was good. Hahaha.

    Comment by G-Unit | May 2, 2006 | Reply

  2. First of all….how dare you?!!!! (and you know what I’m speaking of….)

    Secondly, how sad! ‘The Man’ getting revenge on a defenseless child! I say again…..how sad 🙂

    Luv ya anyway!

    Comment by Poca | May 2, 2006 | Reply

  3. Sorry ’bout that – it was just a short, short trip. Luv u too, Poca!

    Comment by barber | May 2, 2006 | Reply

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