EB: Giving ’em the business!

Brain dumps from the original Bonehead.

The Only Reason You Need.

I once mentioned here that I'm likely the slowest eater on the face of the Earth.  Typically when someone makes a statement of such extremity it's instantly assumed to be exaggeration but in this case it's really not – if I'm not the world's slowest I've got to be pretty damn close.  It's never bothered me very much but slow eatin' ain't for everybody; there's occasionally going to be some peer pressure involved.  Even when that pressure is unspoken, there'll be some seriously impatient looks thrown your way when the rest of your group is ready to grab the check and un-ass the table but you're still meandering around the edge of your plate. 

I am eternally grateful that I was born with the sort of mutant genetics that grants me a high resilience to subtle coersion, guilt trips, and various other forms of emotional manipulation.  Don't get me wrong – if we have to keep time I'll pick up the pace a bit so as not be the Single Most Inconsiderate Fucker Ever, but other than that I don't see any point in rushing it. 

I know this is going to sound a little bit nuts so just go with me for a minute, ok?  What if the foods you chose to eat, and the way you chose to eat those foods, were none of anybody's damn business?  Sick, right?  Hey, that's just how I doo's it; but this isn't about privacy, it's about finding those little ways to take your time and do what you damn well please. 

Check the score.  If you have have responsibilities, like a job or bills or anything like that, then somewhere, at some points in your day, you've got a clock hanging there and eyeballing you – just waiting for you to get a move on.  It happens to all of us whether you have a punchcard or if you run your own business and have to be timely for your meetings with clients or investors, we've all got that clock just staring us down from time to time and there's nothing that can be done about that.  That's what makes those rare moments, when the clock isn't looking, that much more special.

That's what those moments are.  They're rare instances when you don't have think about your work or even be considerate of others feelings and you can do, or in this case eat, what you want and how you want and that's all there is to it.  Eating surely isn't the only example of this but it's one of my favorites and therefore the first to come to my mind… and I'd love to hear what yours are too!

I generally try to keep my vices to a minimum and I've accepted that eating is going to be one of them.  My selections are restricted, almost exclusively, to things that taste good to me because THIS thing is going to be MY thing.  Of course, I'm not completely closed-minded about this; I'll at the very least entertain naysayers before rewarding their contrary opinions with complimentary bottles of Shut The Fuck Up.

I try to limit this thing to an area of my life where I can be all about me and still not be a selfish prick and I think I've done a reasonably good job of it but I'm not the only one. There's an entire Slow Down movement building up steam out there preaching the same goodness about recognizing and appreciating the irreplacable value of time, the ultimate commodity. 

Do it, I urge you.   Find something that you can do by yourself that makes you feel good, where you're not infringing upon anyone elses humanity, and just go at it.  Take your sweet time and enjoy every second.  Do it because you can, and because life is too short not to.


May 26, 2006 - Posted by | Personal Revelations


  1. Well, you know that my motto is ‘Life is too short’, but I feel that line of thinking may actually cause me to rush everything….trying to fit in as much as possible into each day. I tend to each too quickly (which is definitely wreaking havoc on my diet/weight), so in this respect, I definitely admire you.

    You are right (hate to say it though :o) ). We all need to slow down and smell the roses!


    Comment by Poca | May 30, 2006 | Reply

  2. Oops! I meant to state that I “tend to EAT too quickly”. See, this a prime example of me doing things too fast!!!!

    Comment by Poca | May 30, 2006 | Reply

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